At Work Yesterday

I goof up at work so often that now it has started to bother even me (before it was just my boss!!). Apparently all of this is happening because I don’t think of myself as the person in charge - that’s a diplomatic way of saying that I am not assertive enough to function as a manager.

Despite being so arrogant about my work, I have started to doubt my capabilities these past few days. Not everyone can be a smart and intelligent worker and as for me, I consider myself as a hard worker (that just means that I work like a dog!!). So while I do not play politics nor back bite or bitch about my colleagues, I would like my team to know me as a person who is just interested in doing her work and will do that work to the best of her ability.

The past few months, I have not been performing well at all and I am so aware of it. There are things that I miss and I am reminded of these by Big Boss and S and I end up asking myself “Oh! Why didn’t I think of that first?” When these sort of things happen I feel like a complete fool and just cannot accept the fact that I have a lot to learn in my current position.

Yesterday my job was to merchandise a new store and I believe I did a good job of it. So I took some pictures and sent it to BB and S. Now I have a deal with Big Boss – that if she felt that my work was not good enough at any point of time, she had complete liberty to talk to me about it. I like to keep all my lines of communication with my boss open.

So while I thought I had done the work to the best of what I could do BB and S provided me with a whole list of constructive criticisms on it. And each and everything that they said was true. Of course at the face of it I took their comments in the right spirit, deep down I was devastated and this whole episode has put a dent on my confidence. Now I have to buck myself up again and psyche myself into believing “Yes, I can do it, yes I am the best”.

But how long can I fool myself. I am getting older and with that I am more aware of my strengths and limitations. I cannot be this aggressive pushy manager, no I just cannot. I am just your average joe, woman-next door. She works, runs her house, wants to see her family happy and bring some money to supplement the household income. I am ambitious, yet not to the point that my whole life is geared up to just progress at work place.

So yeah I am so looking forward to giving up the Asst Account Manager’s position and moving on to the Promotions and Demand Planning post.