Today

Some days, just some days life seems to be perfect.  You love your husband and your son, you don’t care much about the state of your home, you have done everything in your to-do list, even an hour of exercise, had good healthy home-made food, its pay day and you have put aside a chunk of your salary in so-called savings and finally at work you have a stress free time. 

Now let me take a moment and enjoy this feeling......

The Imperfect Relationship

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "I Dream of Money":

“Maybe it is the perspective of an outsider who knows nothing but you seem to be really unhappy in your marriage or at least not at all happy in your marriage. Isn't it better to be alone?”


This really got me thinking and instead of replying as a comment, thought the reply deserved its own post because it is a long drawn explanation.

First of all let us remove a few of the biases. This is my blog so obviously I will come across as the victim because I have this nature of giving glory to pain and hurt and keeping absolutely silent about the good times.

Take for e.g. – I wrote many posts about how DH and I haven’t been talking. Fact is we started talking on February 13th (for the first time this year!) and I never wrote about it in here. For me not talking for two and a half months was more of a big news and well all couples talk to each other, so what’s the fun in letting the readers know that?

OK now coming back to the real issue that I have. DH and I are too different, I call the term as being trapped by our own personalities. Chinty = trying to be minimalist + want more money. DH = hoarder + have no money / want no more money. Difference is an understatement; we are opposites. In pursuit of love I shifted to the UK leaving behind my family in Dubai, a great paying job and all the luxuries that I was used to. Remember it was not a blind move – I did stay with DH for four months in the UK before taking the plunge. So I knew where he lived, his financial situation etc. But when you are in love you believe everything will turn out well and nothing really matters. All you want is to be with the one you love.

But as with any marriage, after a few years love goes out of the window and you are usually with your partner due to habit, children or other long term money commitments (say a house). In my equation with DH, we don’t have any children together or long term commitments. The house is DH’s given to him by his father. So that leaves just the habit. If I have quit smoking after 11 years of abusing my body, then surely walking away from this relationship of 9 years should be super easy? Well no.

DH understands me, knows me inside out. He knows what makes me tick and what doesn’t. Sure there are lots of stuff about him that I do not like – the hoarding, the constant pursuit of education and total absence of any desire to be what I call successful in life. So what? These are my expectations and I shouldn’t expect anyone to change themselves to fit in with my expectations. If I were to be in DH’s shoes I would be so unhappy too. One of my major gripes is that I cannot cook to save my life; I am obsessed with cleaning and keeping things neat and tidy. If I clean the kitchen or bathroom, I don’t like anyone entering the place for an hour or so. I am fanatical about saving money and it is a real pain for me to agree for us to have a good time because that means spending money. I don’t believe in taking vacations together – we go to India every year don’t we, so why spend more money elsewhere.

Mind you I wasn’t obsessed with money before meeting DH – only after shifting to the UK and realising that if I am not careful, we both will have to sit by the street with a pan in our hands!

Now to the selfish reasons – If I walk out now, I have to go somewhere? Where is this somewhere? It is too late for me to get a job either in Dubai or even in India. I have a son and we need some sort of stability in our lives for him to continue his education. And lastly, I don’t have enough money to buy a flat/house in the UK and nor will I get enough finances to fund a mortgage here. Here DH plays the provider.

And just to clear the air – DH and I talk about our relationship all the time. All the above reasons have been dissected to nuts. We are brutally frank with each other.

So there goes – mutual dependency, a complete understanding of each other’s limitations and a healthy respect of our situation is what keeps us together. It is not perfect, far from it but hey who says that life would be perfect anyway.

PS: I have blabbered the way the thoughts have come to my mind. It may or may not be in a sequence that seems logical. As I sleep over it, I am sure I will have more points to jot – which is usual for me. But for the time being I have exhausted it all.

I Dream of Money

When I put my mind to it, I become rather obsessive with what I want to accomplish. These days it’s all about money. Money here, there, everywhere. Just not in my hands, bag or bank account. The thing about growing older is that you understand yourself better and know how you got to where you are at the moment.

I have wasted 20 years of working life being good to others.

I have always tried to buy love – well not in the literal sense. If I like someone I would buy them things, clear their debts, give them gifts and hope that they would acknowledge the action by liking me better and wanting to be with me. And I am not talking just about boyfriends and partners. I also foolishly believed that if you have the money, you should share it. After all what’s the fun in hoarding money (these days I call it saving). With the exception of my father and mother, I have yet to meet someone who has given me or purchased anything for me. I love my brother and have given him various stuff but those gestures have not been reciprocated.

Coming to DH, I got married to him knowing fully well that he is poor and does have any drive to make more money. His weakness is education and he would pursue it till the day he dies. I have an envious respect for people like that. At the same time I despise such sort of people. They are not meant to live a family life, they do not want to take responsibility of others; then why get married?

There was a time after marriage when I believed in combining our salaries and doing everything together. No longer. Don’t get me wrong – I love my husband but it is not an i-love-you-and-you-will-take-care-of-me sort of love, but rather one where I am pretty practical. I am 40 years old, have a son who will enter college soon and he is my sole responsibility. Combined finances or not – I just want to save enough money for my son’s education and to have a healthy pension. DH says that I am a rich kid so why should I worry. He does not realise that there is no fun in enjoying someone else’s hard earned money.

Anyway, enough of rant. Here’s how February fared.

 
I saved 55% percent of my salary – and that is an all time high! Every month I try to save as much as possible. Mum comes next at 11% and that is the instalment of the car that I bought for my beloved father. Now that he is no more, it is classified as for Mom. For all the things that my Dad did, bought for me, that car was my thank you. Pity that Dad got to use it for less than three years. Entertainment (basically dining out) is the next high at 6% but the amount is so less to cause me any concern. What bothers me is the GBP 35 of monthly Gym and others that come under Grooming. Show me a Boots or Superdrug and I can’t resist buying something from there. Also I feel I was a bit hasty in getting a gym membership. Anyway I will use it for 12 months and then make a decision.
 
I know that March is not going to be this good. A’s ticket to India and new PS Vita have already been charged to March expenses.

My First Connection With Money

Now that we know we will be talking about money and finances and being frugal and such over here, let me tell you the first time I gave some it some thought, I mean the first time I felt that money meant something or could teach you something.

I was in fourth or fifth standard, studying in Indian School in Dubai (c’mon where else during that time!). When I was young, my parents never discussed money in front of us. My demands were pretty small, just an odd Dhm (Dirham is the currency in UAE) to buy something from the canteen. I never knew about the concept of pocket money and my parents always gave in to my very few requests.

One day, as soon as I reached my classroom, I realised that I had forgotten to bring something to eat for my snack break. No big deal, I would find something or so I thought.

In the classroom next to my desk sat a girl, right now I can’t recall the name of the girl but let us call her Anjana. Anjana was the quiet type; she would only talk when the teacher asked her a question. And me, I always talked. So the class teacher thought it would be a good idea to pair us up, just so that we could influence each other’s personalities – big fat chance I tell you...

OK so back to the day. It was the math class and we both were busy jotting down notes or maybe trying to solve a problem, I don’t know. All I remember is spotting a Dhm coin in Anjana’s open pencil box. I remember telling myself – I know where my lunch is coming from. You see during those days (early 80s) one Dirham could fetch you a sandwich, chips (crisps is what I call these now that I live in the UK) and a drink. It must have been during a break or something like that when I took this one Dhm from Anjana’s pencil box. Before you ask me – no I did not feel guilty at all. The plan was to quietly take it, use it and replace it the next day. And who would blame me for stealing just to have something to eat?

Snack break comes (we didn’t have lunch breaks then. Girls’ school shift was from 7:20 am to 1:00pm) and I go to the canteen, get my stuff and return to the classroom to eat. What do I see next? Our friend Anjana is sitting with a sad face with tears nearly spilling out. A recipe for disaster I know, but I had to ask Anjana what the matter was. “Chinty, I bought a Dhm to buy something from the canteen and now it is gone and I am feeling hungry.” Woww....where did this come from???

So like a nice girl, one that my parents would have been very proud of, I told Anjana that she could have my snack, the entire thing including the drink because I wasn’t hungry at all. And me, I sat there at my desk watching our friend Anjana gorge on the food that was entirely hers. I didn’t feel sad, bad or anything, just hungry, super hungry.

In the end my role was that of Anjana's personal maid - go to the canteen and buy her snack.

Moral of the story: Chinty, you are never ever going to enjoy someone else’s money – your pop’s perhaps, but no one else’s.

January Finance Update

For the very first time in my adult life, I am using public transportation on an almost regular basis. Giving up my car was like a fall from grace and though it hurt my pride a bit, I am glad that I haven’t given in to the temptation of buying a flashy car. At this stage in life, I just want to save as much as possible without any worry about keeping up with the Joneses.

What thrills me these days is my money in the bank; not the things it can buy, but the financial security that it can give. For sure I have my weak moments and sometimes I give in too, like in December I bought DH a Mulberry messenger bag (i.e. during our pre-silent days) after buying myself a Prada bag. Only consolation is that both were bought from the outlet shops at Bicester Village and so did not pay retail price for them.

So now on to how my spending for January looks like:

I am a bit surprised that I saved 28% of my post-tax salary and that is just superb. But the grand idea is to save 50% and I know I can do it. Today I got the very depressing news – my annual salary increase is just £1,000, the lowest salary increase that I have ever got. Not sure how much that will turn out after tax; it won’t be more than £60/month I guess. Anyway that amount too shall go straight to my savings. The games category will be predominant for the next two months because of the launch of PS Vita in February and PlayStation is A’s only vice.

I was lucky that in January I did not have to pay any utility bills, which means that they will all be due in February.

Coming to think of it, sacrificing the car was not a big deal. That walk to the bus stop at 6:15 in the morning is my time, the ride in the bus and the nap in the train – I love it all. The feel of crisp, cold air on my face while the rest of the world is warm in their beds, is exhilarating. The train ride is also so quiet. Sometimes I wonder how train companies make money if they run this empty. In the afternoon, I leave work at 3:50pm and at this time too I don’t get to see any crowd. Where did I ever get the idea that public transportation would be terrible? I know a lot of people bitch about commuting time and such but I am just thankful to God that my experience till now has been great.

What about you, how was Jan for your pocket??

Review of August Goals and New One for Sept

Apart from being a sounding board for my thoughts this blog is also a place where I measure how far I have gone with my monthly goals. You can find the August goals here.

Exercise: The initial goal of going to the gym 5 days a week was way too unrealistic; I realise that now. So the idea this month is to just try and make it to the gym at least 15 days. Hopefully this is more accomplish-able. Also I need to remind myself that badminton too can be considered as exercise since we play for a good three hours every week.

Finance: Did not save anything much in August. And I can pinpoint it to the excessive shopping that we both did. Normally I'd wait for the sale season to do my shopping, but this month I guess I got too tempted. September should see us just spend on just food and necessities.

Cooking: In August we spent more money eating out than on buying grocery - this just stresses me up so much. I mean I am a good cook and can practically cook something from whatever we have available at home. So I have no excuse to why we ate out more; it was just me being lazy. I don't want to say that in September we won't eat out at all. But I would like to limit this to just the weekends.

Studies: A total wash-out. Did not even touch my books. In September the course starts in full swing and I was hoping to finish a few lessons during summer. This month the goal is to finish 8 lessons - 2 from each module.

Work: My new assignment was supposed to start in the second week of August. But due to all the hand-over I started my new job only from 1st September and I can already feel a change - I am more switched on and enthusiastic. So yeah, this should be a good month. I got my job title yesterday. I am the new Marketing and Demand Planning Manager of the Department. It beats me how I can move from being an Assistant Account Mgr to a Mktg & DP Mgr, but I am not going to question it and just take it as it comes. So far it has been good and I intend to keep it this way.

I am determined to stick to my goals and report a success by the first week of October.

Cars and Agony

I was brought up in Dubai and lived there for 33 years. People generally have this idea that in Dubai money falls off the trees. It’s a different matter that you don’t get to see many trees in Dubai. Well the point is that my parents were pretty structured and organized with their finances and from a very young age I have seen my parents do things together. My Dad’s one passion was cars and though he earned well, I don’t ever remember him buying a new car. He used to change his car every two years and it always used to be a second hand one.

So now you can see that my background is one where I don’t hold much value to the car I own, other than it being an automobile which takes me from point A to point B. Back in Dubai, I had a Chrysler Neon first, then a Mazda 6 and finally the frugal me ended up with a Skoda Fabia. But here in London, for the first time, I got the chance to select a car from a huge list. You see my company provides me with a company car because I am field based and since I have a contract that specifies I work from home, I get paid for pretty much all the mileage accumulated due to business trips.

For my personal use, I have the fantastic Transport for London (for layman that means the tubes and buses). This worked out ideal for me as I did not have to put in a penny from my pocket towards gas.

Last week, I accepted a position that requires me to be based at office. So while I negotiated keeping the car which I already have, (office based staff do not get a car) I could not get my company to reimburse the gas expenses of to and fro daily trips to the office.

So what’s my point here? Last October, I was asked by the company to buy a car, they were tired of getting me leased vehicles. When I had lease vehicles, I was lucky enough to get a VW Golf and then a Vauxhall Astra. But when it came down to buying my own car, the company gave me such a huge selection that it was mind boggling. I took six months to decide on a car. And what did I do? I went ahead and selected the most expensive diesel guzzling car I could find (within the restraints of what's permitted at my level in the company), after all the company was paying for both the car and the diesel. Little did I know then that I would move on to a job that would require me to use the car extensively and that too at my own expense.

Now, here I am. Today I accepted delivery of a beautiful white Volvo S40 completely automatic. As I signed for the delivery, I just could not believe that here I am an insignificant middle-class woman driving such a beautiful car. But all that humility evaporated the moment I sat in the driver’s seat. Hell I will now have to chip in approx £10 towards gas every day.

Goals for August

When I was younger, the days were full of fun and went really slow. Now that I am older, the days are contemplative and go flying really fast. Can’t believe that it’s August already and 2008 is going really fast. It was New Year just the other day.

I am on a week’s vacation, am taking a few days off before I start my new assignment next week. Right now I am restless, my mind and body are restless. It is like finding oneself at the fag end of a time that one can possibly change oneself and if one does not take this opportunity right now, then it’s lost for eternity and one will remain the same old disorganised one.

And because I always try to think positive and do the right thing, it gets so difficult for me to address my negative emotions and thoughts. I hate to think that I can do wrong, behave incorrect or anything of that manner. I believe that by thinking of negative outcomes, in some ways you are telling the universe that you are ready to accept it. So I always brush up the bad with good thoughts. Let only good things happen to everyone everywhere.

On that note, I would like to set some goals for August and review it by the beginning of September.

Exercises: I believe I am quite OK with it, I might not necessarily be going to the gym regularly, but I am exercising every other day. But DH thinks that it is best that we go to the gym thrice during the week days too. Right now, we try and make it on the weekends and just once during the week days. DH’s point being that we are spending $108 a month on gym membership and it is high time that we took advantage of it. So this month, we both are planning to make it to the gym five days a week.

Finance: The credit crunch is in full swing and we have started to feel the pinch. We usually charge all our expenses on the credit card and our monthly expense has never been more than £800. For the month of July, however, we got a bill for £1,700. Of course some of it is from the expenses incurred due to mom and dad staying with us for a month. I have yet to work out, what our normal expenses were from that amount, but I am sure that our energy and gas charges have gone up. Saving is getting to be hard, especially because I want to set aside some money for my MBA modules for next year.

I am not really sure how we are going to squeeze out more from what we are earning right now, but DH says that we can try our hand at selling some of our good old stuff on e-bay. We have been talking about this forever and never got around to doing anything. This month, I guess, during my week off I am going to try and learn as much as possible on listing something there.

Cooking: This is the part where both being fit and finance plays a big role. We like to cook things from scratch and we usually manage to do it. But some times I run short of time and when this happens, I end up preparing some pre-cooked meals. Though I say this, I have done it just once - yesterday. Cooking from scratch takes time and buying pre-cooked meals takes money. So what’s the compromise that I am looking for? Well, I guess I can achieve some sort of balance by limiting pre-cooked meals to just once a week. Trouble is in finding the time to do my cooking, which now I have decided that on weekends I would cook for the whole week. And during this vacation week, I will cook in bulk as much as possible and freeze the dishes.

Studies: This to me is foremost on my list of priorities and I always manage to push it to the back. Because it does not involve both DH and me, I believe that it’s OK for me to give it less importance. But its not OK, I feel so spineless for letting my dreams go down the drains so slowly. Alright, a stop to negativity. The goal is to complete 5 units a month. That will give me enough time left to do two revisions before I sit for my exams in May 2009.

Work: I start my new assignment next week and I am so looking forward to it. Last Friday I realised that I need to distance myself from colleagues in my department who send off negative vibes. Not sure if they know it themselves, but then it is their problem and they need to sort it out. My problem is that I cannot get along with their attitude that says they know best in everything. Being away from them, I can do my work in peace. The new motto for work is: Mind my own business, be friendly to a reasonable extend, no sharing of personal news and be good at what I have to do.

PS: At work, I have also decided to be better myself at dressing up (this is for another post).

Mid-Year Resolutions

OK, so I did not make any New Year resolutions, not that I make any usually. But I guess now I would like to make some mid-year resolutions – yeah I like the sound of it. Makes you feel that you are a bit “different” from the rest of the world that actually waits till 1st Jan to do something good.

Anyway, I have managed to zeroed down on what my short-term priorities in life are or rather should be. Don’t ask me how I did it. I just woke up one fine day and realised that it would indeed make it a whole lot worthwhile for me to just study and get over with this MBA. I have been procrastinating for over 4 years and now its time to get moving. This means that I will be re-registering at Imperial for four modules, paying up extra amount for the assignments etc and also find the time to study daily. Now how could I have forgotten that last point?

Moving on to priority number two – that is to get myself in shape. No, I am not in a hurry and do not have any high expectations about it. But I do know that I have to cultivate the determination and motivation to see myself through the whole process and I am giving myself a good two years to reach the target weight of 58 kgs from my current 68. But the most important thing is that I intend to achieve my ideal weight mostly by walking and running. Well actually running but I do know that now I will have to start off with walking since I do not have the stamina to run for a good one hour. And the day of starting my exercises is today – just like the Lexus ad which says “That Day Is Today”.

Priority number three is to manage my finances well. And when I say manage my finances well, it should not be that I am penny wise and pound foolish which is what I am most of the time. From today onwards, I want to set aside (or save in other words) a certain percentage of our salary. I know that I am not one of those people who know how to make their money grow (via investments and such), but rather the type who stash their money aside and expect some growth via interest. So while I am not under the impression that I am going to be a multi-millionaire (oh I would love that), I hope to retire comfortably.

So that’s it. My resolutions for the year and this being June is the month that I celebrate my wedding anniversary and dear husband’s and my birthdays. So all in all, with my head clear and my mind made up, I feel good and relieved.

Personal Finance

Personal Finance Blogs - this is a topic that greatly interests me. More like peeping into some one's personal affairs. While I am not much into making more out of money, I am what you would call a wannabe frugal person. I make excel sheets upon excel sheets (various formulas included!!), not touch my salary for a few months, abhor shopping for a few weeks, till... I feel something so profound is missing from my life. And then all resolutions go down the drains. I purchase what ever comes to my mind and since I am a newly turned online shopper, there is no stopping me.

Well, coming back to Personal Finance Blogs, I like to read how people live day to day on x amount of money, save a whole lot and are well on their ways to becoming millionaires. I envy these people for their sheer determination, positive and can-do attitude. I often wish I was like that. I often wish I had some sense of direction or at least knew what my passion in life is.

Take this month for instance, I had saved up nearly £9,000 and then one fine day we decide to furnish our home and redo the stairway and living room and there goes £5,000. When I think of the money that we have unnecessarily wasted it pains me. Dear husband says that we have increased the equity on our home. That is fine to talk about, but when one has no intention of ever selling one's home, that sort of upgrade is generally useless.

When I see how my home looks right now, it makes me feel so good. But when I think of the money we have spent to get this look, it sort of dampens that feel good factor. I guess one has to make some sort of a compromise and the compromise that we have made is to spend money to get our home in good order. Let me put an end to this ranting.