Right Now

(Alert: Long, long post!!)

Let’s first get out of the way my reasons for a pause - Took a short trip to Dubai to be with my son and family, fell sick for a few days after my return and then got back into the grind of work.

A change has happened; a small change has happened in my life.

By now I guess the whole world has read the Power of Now (TPON) and I believe I am one of the last to get hold of this book. Because trying to be different and unique dominates my life in big way, I always stay away from trends, best sellers and in-things. Therefore “The Power of Now” was not really a book that I thought I would read in any case. A chance meeting with my ex-boss (who I adore by the way) in Dubai paved the way to this intention of at least buying the book. My ex-boss kept quoting from the book so many times during our brief two hour lunch that I just had to find out what it was all about.

On my way back from Dubai, with the flight delayed by more than two hours what else could I do but go to the book store and buy myself not only the Power of Now but a second book by its author “A New Earth”.

Now I have read too many self-help books this life time. Due to my interest in healing and such, I also read about light, water, crystals, tarot cards, angels, fairies and what not. And now at 37 the only thing that excites me about books is the font and the smell of the pages of a new book. Most of my decisions about buying a book depend on these two important criteria. Well for a change these two books ticketed my requirements.

Alright, now I must confess that I have just finished reading just 30 pages of TPON. If I ever take time to read a book, it means that I like what I read. It means that I read and reread each and every page much before I finish the entire book. And the small change that has come about in me is from reading these 30 pages. And before you start thinking, no this book is not a major revelation in life. It just says something that we have known all our lives. For the sake of keeping this post interesting I am not going to talk about this book. Google it and read more about it if you are interested. This post is about me and less about the review of this book.

So what happened? What happened is that I try and stop my mind from thinking. If you think it’s that easy, try not thinking anything for just one minute. I can guarantee you that just after a few seconds your mind will start talking to you and you will be either thinking of something that happened in the past or of something that you need to do in the future. Correct me and send me a comment if I am wrong. Anyway coming back to me, I am always lost in thoughts. I keep thinking of something or the other even if I am engaged in some work that requires intense concentration. I worry over anything and everything – family, son, work, money, house, job, status, studies, weight, clothes, looks etc. You name it and I will have something to moan about it. And frankly speaking I was getting fed up of it. Though this blog was meant to be a place where I could vent my feelings, it was all getting a bit too much. While I know that I give very less important to the little happiness in life and make a mountain of the silliest of matters, I had my mind working overtime on me. Every waking moment was made up of making plans for a future that may or may not happen!!

These days if I am engaged in some work and an unpleasant thought crosses my mind, I actually ask myself – “Do I need to think about it? Is this going to help me in any way? Will it change the way how things are right now?” If the answer is no to all the three, I shoo away my thoughts. I literally tell myself – OK Chinty stop thinking. Fact is that just by doing this I have somehow lifted myself out of my self inflicted depression. I have more energy left in me to do the things that matter to me. I definitely feel a lot happier. And because I think less, I tend to be less harsh on myself and enjoy more what I am doing at that point of time. In a way it is liberating to “not think” about my past or the future that I think I should work towards. I just go along with what I feel at that very second.

And the ultimate glory is the change that it has brought to my marriage. I feel so much better being with DH and I am ever so much in love with him. OK so I hate being all mushy and sentimental and making these filmy statements, but this how I feel right now!!