I have kept myself away from writing a new post for quite some time now. For starters, I was not so sure about the focus that my blog was taking – is it to crib, is it just a log of my daily life?
I definitely know that this is not a place where I crib all the time. Most of the pain I feel and frustration that I experience are due to the people that I love and care about. Some times it is about their inadequacies and most of the times it is due to my stubborn nature to accept them for who they are. While there are times when I talk about DH and how unhappy he makes me feel, I do believe that he truly loves me and people don’t always love us in a manner that we think we want to be loved.
Many thoughts pass through my mind while I have an argument with DH and often I make a mental note to post it here. But then I ask myself how I would feel if DH had to write about his feelings towards me in a blog and not talk about it face-to-face. DH knows about this blog and how personal it is to me. So rarely does he check my blog. Now if a guy can be nice to me 80% of the time, why should I bitch about him here? Surely I must be able to sort out my problems with a friendly chat with him. I guess the problem lies in me not having a friend in this country; someone with whom I can just discuss the mundane things in life, someone to go out shopping with, have a blast in a pub.
My other frustration is that I live so far far away from my son. He is 12 years old and right now I need him more than he needs me. We have such good chat over the phone – with me being friendless, my son is soon taking over the role of a confidante. I am not really sure about the pros and cons of having one’s son 12 year old son for one’s friend, but it is the only thing that feels right. And it is so easy to talk to him. Most importantly he understands. I just hope to God that I can be there for him whenever he needs me.
Thirdly about work – I love my job though I am not so sure that I feel the same with my boss. Over the past two years I have managed to get into her good books, but she is so difficult to please that I hate it when she talks down to the other people in my department. Yes, it’s not my problem. But I find it very difficult to turn a blind eye to her derogatory ways.
There I have talked about the three most important things that can affect my moods on a daily basis. But these are not things that I want to blog about – I don’t want to leave behind a blog that is just about frustrations. There’s more to me than anger and tears!!
Just like me, my blog needs a purpose. I want to look at the brighter side of life. I am blessed and I know it. It’s just that I am not conscious of it all the time. I guess I need to remind myself of it. One day when my son reads my blog, I want it to be about happiness, joy, trial and triumphs....
So here’s the verdict - I want to post daily about one good thing of my day. It can be anything – even if it is trivial I will log it. And if there are the occasional tears, then let it be...’cause some times some good come even out of that.
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