Lost.....Again...

I love reading other blogs especially blogs about people and their lives, not the ones that concentrate on any one particular topic like cooking or books or art or babies but the ones that talk about life – their ordinary day to day lives. But the more blogs I read blogs of this nature the more I don’t feel like writing mine. I feel that I talk absolute nonsense; my blog is one without passion, without substance. I am what you call a vain person; I talk about no one else but myself and am so superficial even about it.

This is because deep, deep inside I still am an insecure person. I can talk about my work, the people around me, the stuff I buy, the things that I see but by God I can’t talk about what I feel about them. That would be too much for me, to reveal my thoughts, deep deep hardcore uncensored thoughts to someone. It would strip me of being the person that I really am.

The very fact that my second marriage is surviving is because I have a fantastic husband; it has nothing to do with me. He takes care of me and gives me the space that I need. And that’s a whole lot. I am always lost deep in my thoughts and am no good in doing day to day family life, most of the time I am completely oblivious to what’s happening around me. World politics and the unhappiness of people do not interest me, neither am I strong enough to take responsibility of someone’s happiness. My own son lives with his father and as long as I know that he is having good food to eat, getting good grades in school and having a fun time living with his father, I am OK. When I talk to him daily I want to hear him happy. And that makes me happy.

Other than work, I am not into anything. Things interest me only for a short period of time. I can’t get myself to see through a project or concentrate on any one thing that takes time. So what’s the point of this post.....I am not really sure. What I do know that is that I am on the brink of getting lost....lost again..... and a new year has just about started.