In her second last email to DH, G had asked DH to reconsider her proposal. G had suggested to DH that they should get back together. Now that the love story with the married tutor was going nowhere, G wanted DH back. DH replied to G saying that he was seriously considering marrying the person he had met on Kerala Matrimony.com (that's me) and that they should just remain friends.
G's last email to DH (which he did not reply to) was an enquiry about how far DH had gotten with his marriage plans (to me) and whether he would be interested in joining her for an exhibition at V&A. G's plan was to come down from Oxford and spend a whole day with DH. G closed the email with "Your one and only G". I found it funny that G would question about DH's marriage plans and yet close the email with your one and only.
We women are stupid - if a man has a roving eye, it is because the woman walking past is too good looking. When in love we do not find any faults with our men. But once out of love,, we do not have to do much before all the wrongs surface and we see things clearly.
I left for Dubai in April 2005 after having stayed with DH for almost 5 months since November 2004. Luckily for me my old company called me back at a higher pay and better position.
After the incident things were a bit sour between and DH and me. We had lost our spontaneity completely. I was always wondering whether I would discover something new about DH and DH was always trying to decipher my thoughts.
When hurt, I can be a really mean person. I make no bones of it. The fear of having my man taken, seduced perhaps (this DH says has never happened, but I am not sure) and my own jealousy of having to ghost-confront a really intelligent and educated woman meant that I had to provide DH with some hard evidence of what type of a person G really was. I had to be one step ahead in all my dealings.
You see DH thinks that all people are straight forward in life, have no shrewdness in them and would do no harm to others. But he forgot that Malayalis are a breed on their own. (You know I hate sounding this crude). There is a joke about Malayali crabs. Apparently once crabs are put into a bucket, you need to cover these buckets with a lid. But not so the buckets with Malayali crabs inside. This is because each Malayali crab would try to pull down the other Malayali crab trying to climb out of the bucket. I whole heartedly believe this.
Slowly from G's correspondence with her parents I found out that G and her family had selected DH's marriage proposal only because they felt this was an easier route for G to continue her studies abroad. G came from a poor family, though all her other relatives were stationed abroad and G had a big complex about this. Every time I got the evidence, I would forward the mail to DH. Then there was this mail that G had sent to her parents telling them that it would be OK to get back with DH now that his mother was no more. G had written various emails to friends and family saying that DH had hit her and that he was a violent person. That DH got himself made redundant and that he would not contribute to the household expenses. My poor DH he did two part time jobs at the time and never took a penny from G towards the household. How could he? G was staying in Oxford after all. G also went on and on about how she could not get over her love for her tutor.
Worst part of this story is that all this spying on G has me fall in my own eyes. Right now I am reading a novel called Shantaram. But reading about G's life as it unfolds in front of me has given me a power that she had tried to take away from me. Its like stalking, I know all about this person and this person does not even know that I exist. DH would tell me to stop reading G's emails. But then the more I read, the more evidence I get against her and I gain a small victory. (Yes anonymous, I am not perfect and have never claimed to be.)
I am ashamed, but this really is my secret, my own little secret that I share with DH and his sister. My sister-in-law is the sweetest person that one could ever meet. She is fun to be with and is so caring towards one and all. G would even write nasty things about my sis-in-law.
Its been seven years since I started with my so-called revenge and in all this time I have closely lived with G - her triumphs, her achievements, her pains, her trials and her life. Now it is no longer due to her stint with DH many many years back; today I no longer know why I stalk, its just a part of my life. Its like watching a TV drama that has no ending. I am not expecting anyone to understand this - no really.
G enrolled with so many matrimonial agencies and I see so many of her replies to prospective grooms. I feel like shaking her up and telling her so many things. Her introduction letter sounds like a job resume and as she has grown older she no longer needs to hide under the Malayali arranged set-up. G is more forthright about what she wants and no longer makes bones of the fact that she wants an equally accomplished, educated and rich man.
Today I feel pity for her (though jealousy on her education is still there!). I admire people who live in pursuit of only education, when nothing deters them from that dedication and often even when they sacrifice their own lives for it. I don't know what to call it. I pray for her well being and hopes she can get over DH (no, not her love for DH, but her hatred for him. When she didn't get DH, she went on a character assassination mission of DH).
DH and I got married in mid-2006. We have tried to be as honest as possible to each other since that fateful day. DH knows about this blog, though I do not know whether he follows it regularly. If there is one person that I can call the rock of my life - that is DH. He knows me inside out, he knows my deepest darkest secret and supports me in most cases (except my OCD). I am no longer insecure about my relationship with DH. Of course we have our marriage bumps every now and then. But this is my destination relationship. It has been built from tears and trials and the foundation is too solid. I am home with the person that I love and now it no longer matters how I got here.
My detective role, however continues.........
G's last email to DH (which he did not reply to) was an enquiry about how far DH had gotten with his marriage plans (to me) and whether he would be interested in joining her for an exhibition at V&A. G's plan was to come down from Oxford and spend a whole day with DH. G closed the email with "Your one and only G". I found it funny that G would question about DH's marriage plans and yet close the email with your one and only.
We women are stupid - if a man has a roving eye, it is because the woman walking past is too good looking. When in love we do not find any faults with our men. But once out of love,, we do not have to do much before all the wrongs surface and we see things clearly.
I left for Dubai in April 2005 after having stayed with DH for almost 5 months since November 2004. Luckily for me my old company called me back at a higher pay and better position.
After the incident things were a bit sour between and DH and me. We had lost our spontaneity completely. I was always wondering whether I would discover something new about DH and DH was always trying to decipher my thoughts.
When hurt, I can be a really mean person. I make no bones of it. The fear of having my man taken, seduced perhaps (this DH says has never happened, but I am not sure) and my own jealousy of having to ghost-confront a really intelligent and educated woman meant that I had to provide DH with some hard evidence of what type of a person G really was. I had to be one step ahead in all my dealings.
You see DH thinks that all people are straight forward in life, have no shrewdness in them and would do no harm to others. But he forgot that Malayalis are a breed on their own. (You know I hate sounding this crude). There is a joke about Malayali crabs. Apparently once crabs are put into a bucket, you need to cover these buckets with a lid. But not so the buckets with Malayali crabs inside. This is because each Malayali crab would try to pull down the other Malayali crab trying to climb out of the bucket. I whole heartedly believe this.
Slowly from G's correspondence with her parents I found out that G and her family had selected DH's marriage proposal only because they felt this was an easier route for G to continue her studies abroad. G came from a poor family, though all her other relatives were stationed abroad and G had a big complex about this. Every time I got the evidence, I would forward the mail to DH. Then there was this mail that G had sent to her parents telling them that it would be OK to get back with DH now that his mother was no more. G had written various emails to friends and family saying that DH had hit her and that he was a violent person. That DH got himself made redundant and that he would not contribute to the household expenses. My poor DH he did two part time jobs at the time and never took a penny from G towards the household. How could he? G was staying in Oxford after all. G also went on and on about how she could not get over her love for her tutor.
Worst part of this story is that all this spying on G has me fall in my own eyes. Right now I am reading a novel called Shantaram. But reading about G's life as it unfolds in front of me has given me a power that she had tried to take away from me. Its like stalking, I know all about this person and this person does not even know that I exist. DH would tell me to stop reading G's emails. But then the more I read, the more evidence I get against her and I gain a small victory. (Yes anonymous, I am not perfect and have never claimed to be.)
I am ashamed, but this really is my secret, my own little secret that I share with DH and his sister. My sister-in-law is the sweetest person that one could ever meet. She is fun to be with and is so caring towards one and all. G would even write nasty things about my sis-in-law.
Its been seven years since I started with my so-called revenge and in all this time I have closely lived with G - her triumphs, her achievements, her pains, her trials and her life. Now it is no longer due to her stint with DH many many years back; today I no longer know why I stalk, its just a part of my life. Its like watching a TV drama that has no ending. I am not expecting anyone to understand this - no really.
G enrolled with so many matrimonial agencies and I see so many of her replies to prospective grooms. I feel like shaking her up and telling her so many things. Her introduction letter sounds like a job resume and as she has grown older she no longer needs to hide under the Malayali arranged set-up. G is more forthright about what she wants and no longer makes bones of the fact that she wants an equally accomplished, educated and rich man.
Today I feel pity for her (though jealousy on her education is still there!). I admire people who live in pursuit of only education, when nothing deters them from that dedication and often even when they sacrifice their own lives for it. I don't know what to call it. I pray for her well being and hopes she can get over DH (no, not her love for DH, but her hatred for him. When she didn't get DH, she went on a character assassination mission of DH).
DH and I got married in mid-2006. We have tried to be as honest as possible to each other since that fateful day. DH knows about this blog, though I do not know whether he follows it regularly. If there is one person that I can call the rock of my life - that is DH. He knows me inside out, he knows my deepest darkest secret and supports me in most cases (except my OCD). I am no longer insecure about my relationship with DH. Of course we have our marriage bumps every now and then. But this is my destination relationship. It has been built from tears and trials and the foundation is too solid. I am home with the person that I love and now it no longer matters how I got here.
My detective role, however continues.........
2 comments:
:) I can totally associate with a lot of feelings here. And if I were in your place, I'd have been inquisitive about her life too. Even if it didn't matter anymore.
I am totally with you on this one, I am like this too.
Deepa
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