That Happy Family

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Do people have perfect lives or do they think that they have perfect lives? I believe it's all in the mind.

I also believe that all families are dysfunctional; scratch the surface and you will get a glimpse of the ugliness. But dysfunctional is good, it shows that people are individuals with varied tastes and circumstances. Being perfect is just our way of trying to harmonise with our particular set of circumstances.

At one point I was sad that I lost custody of A, then I was devastated when I came to know that my ex-husband hit A so bad that it broke A's hand. That day I prayed God to keep my son safe and sound. All I wanted was for A to be alive, in one piece and away from that horrible man. Then my happiness knew no bounds when I got back A's custody. But that high came crashing down when his request for a UK visa got rejected.

And now A has been in India for close to 10 months - staying with my parents who dot on him. He gets the very best of food, lives in a very sheltered and loving environment, goes to a fantastic school the likes of which I will never be to afford here and is enjoying life with friends who still have an innocence about them.

Tell me then, what right do I have to pay 3000 pounds to a lawyer to fight for my son's UK visa appeal? What is it that I believe I can offer him in Southall? Run down schools with kids who could possibly be carrying knives, where drugs could be available round the corner? How can I expect my son who, till last year, did not know the meaning of F**** to make friends in this counry? If he is anything like his mother A is never going to make any friends here.

So why exactly do I want A to be here with me? I have just one very feeble excuse - because I am his mother and a very selfish one at that. I want A here so that I can take care of him, make food for him, teach him, see him grow to adulthood and finally fly out on his own.

My Dad tells me that even if the UK visa came through A would anyway have to go back to India for his college. So the big serious advise from Dad is not to spend that money.

I, for one, can't believe my dad. How can one put a price on one's kid? How can I say what these years with my son are worth to me, even if it's just for another four years?

Heck, all I know is that not only should my son be safe and sound, he should be safe and sound WITH me.

I don't know if the appeal will be successful or not, but I can rest with this thought - I would have tried till the very end.

Despite trying so hard to become one happy family unit, my family might come across as being very dysfunctional to some. And that's OK with me.