I want to remember the date.
It was such a low point, brought on completely by myself.
Here I was with my list of to-dos and trying to tick off as
much as possible to get a sense of accomplishment. And then I happened to go through some blogs
and I saw this picture of a house. There
was nothing per se about the house, but what caught my attention was the sheer
illusion of expanse created by minimalistic furnishing.
You know – for me a house is up there and when I say
there – it is the most important possession in one’s life, only then comes
whatever.
I am not really sure what happened but my I found myself crying,
really crying; you know the ones where you are not only crying but howling as
well, like a hurt animal. I am not
fancy, I don’t like big houses; I don’t like excessive furnishing and love having
just absolutely nothing at home. What I
do want is a solid, neat and clean house.
This house was built in 1933 and it belonged to DH’s
family. They were not well off and the house was not well maintained, it still has a lot of work to be done. DH says that they bought the best of what
they could afford. I feel bad in
telling him that the best of what they could afford was still below the
acceptable standards. This leaves us
with the question why not sell the house and move in to a better one? I would if I could at the drop of a hat, but
DH can’t. He has so much of stuff of
sentimental value, that it would be next to impossible for him to clear out his
belongings.
Deepa had asked me to zero in on what exactly bothers me
about DH and now I have.
I believe all my misfortune in life is due to my association
with DH. DH's poverty and his acceptance
of it bothers me. People should have the
drive to work towards making their lives better. I do not want to tag along
with a loser. That is so not me.
2 comments:
R
Is DH accepting of his poverty as you call it or is he content with what he has ? I think there is a big difference between the two.
Hi R - In the beginning DH had to make do and then it became second nature. Now he has resigned himself to the fact that he is old and cannot really look out for something better career-wise. When I ask him about home improvement, retirement and pension etc, he just puts his hands up and says he would work till the end of his life - which we all know is just hot air.... So no, I don't think he is content at all. I know he wouldn't like to rely on me financially.
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