Off Tangent

For a few days things have been really calm at home.  This is because I have been really busy; busy thinking about my future, life, ladiladila... It’s a good thing as I have very less time to moan and mope about the teeny tiny things that bug me about the house, DH and work.

I happened to watch this video last week.  Yes, it has taken its round all over the net. Take a look 

Then I met R (via this blog) and we spent a nice evening together.  One of the things R said remained with me.  We were talking about what I could have been, would have done etc etc and R asked me what was stopping me from pursuing my dreams now.  Good question, I hadn’t thought of it really.

So on the way back home, I started to lay down my case.  I will be 42 this year, do not know where my life is going, need to do something desperately that gives me some sense of self worth, security is important and of course always battling with the question what is the purpose of being born, being alive etc.  Is one’s purpose in life only to study, get married, have a nice job, bring up good kids and then wait to retire?  Surely there has to be more to life. 

I asked myself this fundamental question (with a bit of help from that video) – “If money was not a problem what would I be doing with my life right now?”

Didn't have to think for more than a second - I would want to be a Doctor.  It was a boat I had missed by being stubborn.  I had rubbished the thought 25 years back because I didn't want to conform to the expectations of my family, friends and my school.  Everyone around me thought I would become one and I had wanted to be “Different”.  After two marriages and moving to the UK “Different” I did become, but not in the ways I had thought I would be.

So here I am – declaring to the universe my wish.  It tick-marks the need for self worth and doing something that really matters.  For a temporary period – I can say goodbye to security and this will be really tough for me. 

At this point I do not know whether I will get through a medical college – I am way beyond age when compared to the normal students, have no background or degree with anything related to science, am not sure whether my so called SSC and Pre-degree marks in science group would be considered for entry and have lots to study for the UKCAT, BMAT and GAMSAT tests.  I will have to resign from my job and take massive loans to cover the tuition.

My research says it’s going to be tough, but I do know this – I would do anything, absolutely anything to get into the 2014 entry. 

Next Post: Reaction of Family and Friends.