Broom says "talk" to him
I too believe in good old communication, an open heart-to-heart talk paves the way to a fantastic relationship be it at work or at home. I am all for it and I do try my level best to practise it all the time. So what stops me every now and then? Well even though I am willing to talk (communicate) the moment I see that the person opposite me is not so willing or has clearly told me that he/she is not interested in talking about “it”, I let go.
Case in point:
DH and I are having a good dinner, which by the way I have prepared and I turn to him and say “Babes I think we should talk. We don’t talk anymore.” DH: “C’mon let’s enjoy the dinner.” All those talks about getting to a man’s heart though his stomach is all bullshit, now I know it.
We are in bed and DH has his arm around me. So again I try my luck: “Do you think we could talk now?” DH: “Later. Let me sleep now. Have to get up early for work tomorrow. By the way what is there to talk about, it’s all in your head?” Now what do I say to that? So you do the only thing you can possible think of doing – turn to the farthest side of the bed and shed silent tears.
Now this is what I don’t want to do again – try to talk to DH. If he wants to talk I believe he should come to me. Has this got anything to do with my ego? No definitely not. It is all about losing one’s hope, the hope of ever getting an opportunity to talk. Hope was that DH would one day see the light and talk to me and now I leave that to the universe.
There is bitterness though in this whole thing and that is where my ego comes into picture. I, Chinty, a successful, independent single mother decided to leave everything and I literally mean everything to be with this man who offered me love and at tough times like these, I find it difficult to reconcile with what I have done.
I miss having my son with me, I miss the fantastic job I left behind in Dubai, I miss my fat bank balance, I miss the hot warm weather and the proximity to my family. All this sacrifice for what? To be in a cold country with a man just as cold and no friends to talk to.
And as I am finishing this post, I tell myself – put an end to this line of thinking. It is not going to get me anywhere!!
2 comments:
I know before I write this that this is not going to help- but I am going to try anyways.
(This is just a stranger's £.02 worth- and I fully realise no-one else neither has the right, reason or knowledge of the situation to comment on your personal problems.)
I think Broom is right, you perhaps need to put your resentment aside and try to communicate. It might need a bit of persistence and perhaps even pre-choosing together an appropriate time and date where you can talk.
From a very male perspective, DH's responses sound very 'normal'. He seemed to want to avoid a prolonged discussion or possible argument when he was eating or sleeping.
I guess the difficulty is in really finding what it is that *you* think you want. What have you been searching for?
Won't the alternatives always fall short if you don't know?
maybe you could write him a letter, then?
i truly know what it feels like to try to communicate with someone who's put up walls around them and how upsetting it is.
so good luck.
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