This IS A Major Rant

My life is a routine and it follows a schedule that I can recite even in my sleep. While it makes life much easier – there is a time for cooking, going to the gym, going to the library, work and even for making love etc, it does appear to be completely devoid of spontaneity.

I miss the “high” of life.

In Dubai, I used to do such crazy things with my best friend. We were both single and used to pub hop, go to fine restaurants and basically pamper ourselves at the spa every weekend. But here in the UK, these are luxuries and currently I cannot afford them (and my frugal mind just does not allow me to be so frivolous with money these days!!). I miss eyeing guys, I miss bitching about people and most of all I miss dancing – the sort of dance that comes with being in a crowd and dead drunk. I miss shopping whenever I feel like; I miss the feeling of not feeling “rich” enough. I guess I just miss the whole Dubai scene.

DH does not drink and I hate to go out drinking with people who do not drink. I am dying to let my hair down and make a fool of myself. I guess I am going through some sort of punishment that God has decided to dish out to me – I mean when you have seen it all and done in all too soon in life there comes a time when your quota runs dry. I am in the dry period right now and boy it does not feel good.

I feel stuck in a sort of way – I sacrificed a good job and a damn sexy lifestyle to come to the UK thinking love would somehow “fill” me up and bring a reason to my existence. But it hasn’t and in fact UK life just shows me how hard it is for ordinary people to just survive in this country, how poor this country can make you feel.

Some times I even think that I am too superficial – c’mon I have a handsome husband who loves me so much, yet I cannot get myself to forget the good life that I left behind in Dubai. It makes me bitter that such a self professed feminist like me would give it all up for a guy!!

Having no friends in this place is another bane of my life. I have tried, but I swear I just cannot connect with anyone.

Positive thoughts give off a positive energy and thinking about the good stuff in life has helped me face it with a smile on my face. For the past year and half, I have been brushing aside my negativities telling myself that no good can come out of it. But now it has reached its peak and I can no longer ignore what that voice inside is telling me. Yes, this country is not working for me....and I am feeling depressed.