The “Why” for This Silence

People who know me will tell you this – I am a Daddy’s girl, I have always been and will always remain one. He was my rock, pillar of support and whatever you could say of a good Dad, not that he was in any way perfect. But Daddy was always there for me – when I was good and even when I was bad; I would never ever want to have a daughter like me. Let me put it this way – I am nobody without my Daddy. All my arrogance, my snobbery was because of the type of person that he was. Any party that we would go to Daddy was the centre of attraction, any new fashion trend and I would have the first outfit, any new Kanjeevaram design and my mom would get it, any new Mallu association and my dad would be the first one to be voted to be the President. Ok some of it sounds materialistic, but my dad had a large heart and loved to talk non-stop. And now that he is no more I feel so utterly, completely and horribly lost!

Following my Dad’s passing away (that is such a horrible way of using the language, I bet it is grammatically wrong!) Mom came to the UK and stayed with me for six months. Being the quiet person that DH is he never really joined the usual family talk by the dining table or for any outing with my mother. Have I mentioned earlier that DH is awkward socially as well, OK well he is. So it was always me giving company to my mother and being the lonely soul that DH likes to be I spent all my time with Mummy.

One fine day – long after my Mom left UK, I noticed that DH was not wearing the gold chain that my dad had given to him. Let me rephrase that – DH was not wearing the beautiful gold chain (with a rudraksha pendant and diamond crusted arc) that my loving late Daddy had presented to his daughter’s husband. My Dad literally removed this chain that he was wearing and gave it to DH. So you the gist of how important that chain is to me – IT WAS WORN BY MY DAD and the emphasis here is MY DAD.

When I checked this with DH his first response was “Oh you are not wearing your thali anymore. So I removed the chain too.” Second response was “You spent all your free time with your mom, so I got angry and took off this chain”. Let me get this straight – I used to wear the thali on a black thread tied to my waist. When I got my ectopic surgery done in March, I had to remove it because they cut open the area under my lower tummy, then the healing took some time, then my Dad passed away, followed by my mom’s visit to the UK and I forgot about the damn thali in the midst of all this. Second – why is this self professed world citizen expressing so much of love towards a thali? I thought I was the traditional one. Third – My mother and I were grieving, there was no way in hell I would have spent that time with an insensitive guy like DH. Fourth - if DH wanted to get back at me and not use the things from me or my family, why the hell didn’t he stop using the netbook (that was a present from me), why not stop using the umpteen watches that I had given to him. No DH’s choice of ammunition was my Dad’s chain and rightly so because he knew that nothing else could inflict me a better hurt. He chose to hit me below the belt and I just hate people who do that.

But I didn’t blow up, I swear not, I got up as elegantly as I could from the side of the bed where I was sitting, looked him in the eyes and said that I did not want to talk to him anymore. This happened on 30th December.

Fact: By 1st Jan when I realised that we were not talking to each other I had forgotten the very reason why I had stopped talking to DH.