Today Is Important For Me

Today is our sixth wedding anniversary.  On Friday we had made grand plans for Saturday - to spend the whole day at Tate Modern (yeah that’s how adventurous we get).  But come Saturday morning something just didn’t feel right. I mean six years of being unhappy, of feeling so poor and having no choice of getting out of this miserable place.  Yes it all began with love, but love left our home a long long time back and now we are going to celebrate the dreadful day that we both said “I do”?  C’mon you have got to be kidding me. 

Being the wet blanket that I always am, thought I wouldn’t talk about it and just go on with the plans.  Thing with me is that I can’t hide a thing from DH. Each and every emotion, feeling of mine is deeply etched on my face and in my every action and it didn’t take DH long to figure out that my mood was as usual out.

It was my brother’s wedding anniversary in Jan and he gifted my sis-in-law with a Sony Experion and a Samsung Tablet.  My son says – why does he buy all that stuff for her, she knows jack shit about technology.  But I love what my brother does for his wife – somewhere along the line there is a show and I believe you do need to make that show.  It helps.  It makes the woman feel proud, wanted and worth it.

I am so sick and tired of living in poverty.  When I got married I thought that my love could withstand the materialistic pull and that I was stronger than the rest of the people.  But no, I am just ordinary, like any other woman out there.  DH says I never appreciated any of the small stuff that he did for me.  No, I don’t want the small stuff – I was a BIG stuff and I want to show this BIG stuff to everyone around and I want to tell them – this is what my loving husband bought for me.

When did I turn to be so petty?  I don’t know.