As I grow older, my time is becoming more and more precious to me. Each and every second counts and I have this intense desire to do as much as possible before I say goodbye to this world.
To get the maximum out of my day I have even reduced my surfing time considerably. I no longer take my laptop home and it is safely locked in my drawer before I leave work. And to be quite honest, I do not miss it. Didn’t think I could live without Google, but yes I have survived.
A good day, to me, apart from being productive at office should include an hour of studies, an hour of gym and an hour for cooking. These are the small things that make me feel happy and accomplished. This is not asking for much, is it?
But in my pursuit to achieve the perfect day I have slowly started alienating DH. Believe me, I have tried. But when two people are evolving and becoming as different as chalk and cheese, one wonders what exactly brought them together in the first place. We no longer have anything to talk about. I come back late from work and DH returns from the gym at nine pm. A quick dinner and we both hop into bed.
When one hasn’t communicated through out the day, it gets extremely difficult to hug the person lying next to you even if he happens to be your husband. DH complains that I nag and cry all the time and I say that he is just too closed up to care anything about me. At times we are like perfect strangers – living in the same house yet not a word to exchange.
Last night, I decided to shift in to the guest bedroom. No we did not have a fight or argument or anything of that manner. It just didn’t feel right to share his bed anymore. I didn’t want to have any expectations of us returning back to our normal selves. Usually I would cry myself to sleep, expecting that he would turn around and start talking, discussing matters. But after being disappointed for too many days, it just seemed right to move out.
Funnily though, I feel at peace. I had a good night’s rest and do not feel that I am missing out on anything. You could say numb perhaps.
What I hate to admit to myself is maybe...just maybe this second marriage too is not working.
5 comments:
I am sorry - i hope things work out!!
Hugs
I'm probably the last person you should take marital advice from, but I'll say my piece anyway. Feel free to ignore it.
Talk to him. Set ego aside and talk to him. If that's hard to do, then write him a letter telling him how you feel.
Hope things get better.
okay i havent read enough of your blog to be qualified. but just from this one post i'd say that maybe you're just scared. once bitten and all that jazz....
as broom says - set ego aside and talk it out. whatever it is.
sometimes we're just carrying a little emotional baggage without even realising it.
oh. ooh. i just noticed my blog in your blogroll. didnt know you read me. :)
Mad Momma, How can I not read your blog? You are living my idea of a perfect family life!!
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